Joy is Renewable

Emotional Savings Account

A friend showed me the above photo of Maria Bamford with his friend because he had written her a letter inviting her to hang out with him and some friends for five minutes after a show, and she said yes. MARIA BAMFORD is one of my favorite comedians. It’s the kind of plot twist my small self used to file under “Why didn’t that happen to me!! ”

And yet, plot twist number two, it wasn’t until a few hours later that I realized I felt pure, fizzy delight for him. No side of envy. No sneaky FOMO gremlins holding up scorecards. Just a little parade in my chest with kazoos.

There was a time, (let’s call it most of adolescence and adulthood), when I would have felt that familiar pinch: jealousy, envy, and other flavors of “why not me?” (I think this happens a lot when you’re a 4 on the Enneagram).

More recently, I’ve lived in the middle neighborhood, genuinely happy for someone experiencing good times, with a small, whiny roommate muttering, “But also… me?”

But in the past year it has been different. Stronger. Nicer. One of the perks that come with aging, like I have crossed some invisible border into a country where other people’s joy does not subtract from mine. In Buddhism they call it “sympathetic joy.”

I notice it when friends are traveling, having adventures, and posting photos where I am not there but strangely, they seem to be having a good time anyway. Instead of feeling like I’m left out, I find myself genuinely glad they are enjoying themselves … which feels wonderfully freeing.

Every moment I have shown up for my own life, been present for the good parts instead of rushing past them, critiquing them, or simply not paying attention, I have been making deposits into a kind of emotional savings account. I can draw on that reserve of well lived experiences whenever I choose. I saw Maria Bamford a few years ago and still remember how inspired I was.

Being present is important, it then helps our mind’s incredible facility to bring to mind the wonderful moments we’ve had in the past and relive them in the moment any time we want. We need reminders that we have had good times because the negativity bias that came with our factory settings likes to focus on what’s missing. It’s helpful especially during these difficult times when joy can be MIA.

Joy is renewable.

“The more we practice sympathetic joy, the more we come to realize that the happiness we share with others is inseparable from our own happiness… we break from the constricted world of individual struggle and see that joy exists in more places than we have yet imagined.” 

~Sharon Salzberg, Mindfulness Meditation Teacher

Enjoy,

Jill