Death Becomes Me

The gift of mortality

Jun 23, 2025

The fear of death follows from the fear of life.
A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
~Mark Twain

I confess. I stopped looking at the news. As far as I know, this is my only life and the news has the ability to seriously rob my joy. When that happens, I’m not as good at dispensing inspiration to others which I consider my life’s work.

I used to watch the late night comedy shows that buffered the insanity that has been our country since 2016. Kimbel, Colbert, Meyers were regulars in my living room, and I admired their ability to illustrate the absurdity that had a distant, not immediate effect on my life. The idiotic has turned toxic, it’s not funny to me anymore. It’s affected too many people.

So I think of death instead.

In 2019, I had an MRI for suspicious activity in my right breast. The results cleared breast cancer, but the physician who read them told me to get to a cardiologist right away. The diagnosis, after another targeted MRI, was an ascending aortic aneurysm.

I always thought that having an aneurysm meant, that’s it … something vital has busted, adios. So I wrote an email to my close friends telling them I loved them and I would probably not be around much longer.

Five and a half years later, hi! hope I haven’t worn out my welcome, but I’m still here.

The diagnosis became one of those stories where a near death experience makes life dearer. The possibility of life ending sooner than later gave me the “what’s most important” perspective, and it wasn’t whether my purse matched my shoes or if I should go to a social function when I wanted to stay home and write.

Bhutanese culture is known for its frequent contemplation of death. They meditate on death five times a day as a way to achieve happiness! This practice stems from the belief that acknowledging mortality cultivates a greater appreciation for life and helps us let go of the importance of material possessions and anxieties. For many in the west, this is considered morbid. Research, however, suggests this approach leads to increased contentment. When we move beyond denial and realize life is temporary, we have a more meaningful existence. We are all temp workers on the planet.

My lurking aneurysm isn’t an immediate threat. It’s an enlargement in the ascending aorta that’s just sitting there. Annual MRIs show that it’s not getting any bigger. What has expanded are possibilities in my life where there were once limitations because … I thought I had lots of time. Carpe Diem!

Hesitation about:

taking a trip because it’s next week instead of next year
sharing my imperfect creations because of what people might think
doing the minimal for others because that’s others do

Those limiting beliefs and more are gone. I might as well live large to match my enlarged aorta.

I’m not perfect about seizing the day and keeping my eye on the beauty of life. Sometimes I get a little peeved about comments on social media, people loudly talking on their phones in public places, and some individual needing to tell me how to do things I already know how to do. But then I wake up. Those things don’t matter.

Remember that book that came out in 1997: Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff: (It’s All Small Stuff)? Good title.

I’ve increased my practice of Stoicism. I found that Jerry Seinfeld does the same thing. Here’s a passage from an interview journalist Graham Bensinger had with him last July:

“Emperor of Rome from 161–180 AD, Marcus Aurelius is remembered as the ‘Philosopher King,’ largely because of his classic work Meditations, a cornerstone of Stoic philosophy that delves into such themes as reason, virtue, self-control, self-improvement, and finding peace in a turbulent world.

The book might seem like an odd choice for a comedian, but Seinfeld told Bensinger that the book helped him understand the impermanence of the physical world in which we live.

‘Everything that you’re worried about is going to be gone like that [snaps fingers]. The people that are criticizing you, they’re going to be gone,’ he said. ‘You’re going to be gone.’

The actor, who had recently turned 70, said the realization helped him appreciate how precious time is here, and how it shouldn’t be squandered by fretting over things we can’t control.

‘[It’s] wasted time and energy,’ Seinfeld said. “’Marcus Aurelius says your only focus should be on getting better at what you’re doing. Focus on what you’re doing; get better at what you’re doing. Everything else is a complete waste of time.’”

Hear, hear!

Note to myself:

Focus on getting better at writing, art, other creative acts and sharing them.
Focus on being a good partner, friend, and advocate for animals and the environment.
Focus on loving everything beautiful about life because at some point, it will be the last time you can.
Focus on:

Watermelon, peaches, waterfalls, clouds, love, kindness, cats, dogs, birds, elephants, otters, art, music, palm trees, jacaranda trees, love, laughter, fire, water, air, honeydew-cucumber-mint gazpacho, air travel, Spain, Yosemite, penguins, owls, shade, dolphins, whales, lemon cake, blueberry pie, hiking, whistling, singing, cellos, saxophones, guitars, drums, comfortable beds, chairs, soft robes, stained glass, Monet, Gaudi, Kandinsky, dinner parties, people who “get” you, outdoor concerts, indoor air conditioning, comforters, generosity, authenticity, exquisite writing, funny poetry, hanging laundry, Dolly Parton, contagious smiling, yoga, comfortable shoes, Broadway musicals, slapstick humor, suspenseful movies, the lovely students in my classes, rainstorms, the clearing after the storm, spring, fall, winter, hibiscus, gardenia, jasmine, cheese, pancakes, cupcakes, chocolate, children playing, old people persevering, recovery, forgiveness, holding hands, comedy, the way the waves dependably ebb and flow … creativity. What else?

The Muse is In

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